Lost
by MV93
Summary: Danny's made a mistake, Lindsay is upset. Will their love conquer their problems? DL
1. The beginning

**A/N: Hey all! Here's my newest story, hope you all enjoy ;)  
It's starting a bit angsty, but don't worry, there will be a happy ending, because I get depressed if there isn't one. **

**LOST**

Chapter one – The beginning

_This is wrong…_

It was all she could think, looking at the picture in front of her.

_He couldn't handle it._

She slowly drew her finger over the glass, following the lines of the young man's face.

_He always claims he's so strong, but he doesn't understand that being strong has nothing to do with not showing your emotions._

She puts the framed photo away and stands up. She walks to the window and rests her head against the cool glass. Eyes closed, she feels a tear rolling down her cheek.

_He was too afraid to talk to me about his feelings, and instead chose to do this..._

She turns around, now leaning with her back to the window. She angrily wipes away her tears and frowns in frustration.

_Why can't he understand? Why does he have to do things the difficult way? He probably thought it was the right way, but now look what's happened… He nearly got himself killed, just because he was afraid to show his emotions… Why is he so afraid?_

She pushes herself away from the window and walks to the bathroom with the intention to take a shower, maybe clear her mind a little bit. She'd been at the hospital for 24 hours straight, and now the doctors and her friends had sent her home to catch some sleep. She had too much on her mind to sleep, though, and thus she tried to clear her mind from the horrible events of the last day.

_Or was it me he's afraid of? Maybe he just doesn't trust me enough to tell me how he feels…_

The water starts running, and she looks up, enjoying the way the water feels on her face. If she closes her eyes it is just like she is under water, away from reality, away from the sorrow, away from the emotions… Mac had told her to stay away from the hospital from now on, because he thought it would be too hard for her to see Danny in his current state. They were calling her with updates every half hour though, and they said that if everything would go according to plan, Danny would be allowed to go home in twelve to fifteen hours. In the meantime, she was supposed to sleep.

_I wish it were easier for me to hate him, to curse him for being so foolish. But instead I only love him more… Of course I don't approve of what he did, I don't, I wish he'd trusted me enough to tell me how he felt, but I just can't stop loving him. Everything he does, it's just a confirmation of who he is, and even though some things aren't as good as they should be, it's a part of him… A part I'll have to live with. It's everything or nothing._ _And I know all too well I can't live with nothing. I need him, I want him..._

A knock on the door interrupts her thoughts. She quickly steps out of the shower, shouts she'd be there in a minute and puts on some clothes in record time. Hair still wet, she walks over to the front door and opens it.

"Danny," she greets, rather surprised.

He doesn't say anything, just walks in, still looking down, hands in his pockets. She closes the door behind him, turning around, only to find his lips crashing down on hers. After a few moments she pulls away, not wanting to get distracted from the question she so desperately wants to ask.

"Why, Danny?"

He sighs. "I'm sorry, Linds."

Her heart sinks, something is wrong. The not-using of his nickname for her tells her he's either going to tell her something sad, or he's being completely serious, which can't be too good either, considering the circumstances. She crosses her arms, preparing herself for what is coming. She just hopes they will be okay. He must've seen the look in her eyes, because right now he realises the impression he's making and he quickly envelops her in a hug. He's happy to find her returning the hug, but he knows he's not off the hook yet. He's got a lot to explain to her, and he'd better do it now, before it's too late and the things he broke cannot be fixed anymore.

**A/N: I'd love you to review :)**


	2. I love you too

Chapter two 

He didn't mean to hurt her. He had never meant to hurt her. He had even sworn he would never hurt her, or let anyone else hurt her. Yet here he is, trying to find the words to comfort her, because he had hurt her. He closes his eyes in frustration and tightens his grip on the woman in his arms. If she wouldn't forgive him…

No, don't think like that, she has to forgive you, you can't live without her… 

What if he'd gone too far this time and couldn't make it right?

_Well, being silent isn't very helpful,_ he tells himself, and released Lindsay. He guides her to the couch and sits down facing her.

"I'm sorry," he says again, and she nods and hugs her knees.

"Why did you do it?"

Her voice is barely louder than a whisper.

"I…" He tries to form a coherent sentence in his head, but failed to come up with something.

"You scared me."

Who knew a simple fact like that could hurt so much?

"I… They called me, from the hospital, saying you were in an accident, that you… They wouldn't tell me…"

Her body begins to shake with sobs and Danny is beside her in a moment, comforting her.

"I thought you'd died," she says when she can breathe normally again. "They wouldn't tell me anything except that you'd been in an accident, and that you'd been hurt real bad…"

His heart breaks when he looks at her and for a moment he can just kill himself.

Look what you've done now, you scared the hell outta her, just hope she'll forgive you. If not, it's because of your own actions, learn the lesson! Think, before you act, Messer, you've acted like an idiot and now you'll have to accept the consequences and try to make it right. Good luck.

"Lindsay, I'm really, really sorry what I did, I never meant to hurt you…"

She interrupts him.

"I know, Danny, but that's not the point. The point is, you always act before you think, and that's how you get yourself into situations like this. What the hell did you think you were doing anyway?"

Her sadness is now partially replaced by anger and she stands up and walks to the kitchen to get herself something to drink. Danny follows her.

"You're right, Lindsay, I wasn't thinking and I'm sorry. I just… while we were arguing I was thinking about what I'd do if I'd lose you, and I realised I wouldn't be able to handle that, so I freaked out! I've never cared so much about someone in my life like I care about you. And I thought… You were so angry, and sad, and I could see the hurt and pain in your eyes, and I knew that I would never forgive myself if we ended up breaking up, so I decided to…"

He then falls silent, not knowing how to finish his sentence.

"You decided to do what?" Lindsay softly asks.

He looks away; he doesn't want to tell her what had been going on in his mind right then and there.

"Come on, Danny, just be honest with me for once. Look what happened when you tried to hide your feelings from me the last time. You ended up in the hospital for god's sake, what does it take for you to realise having emotions is part of being human?"

She's almost crying now, and Danny decides to do what she's asking from him.

"I decided that I was a horrible person for making you sad, for hurting you," he says softly, as he knows she knows what he means.

For a moment, they silently look into each other's eyes. Lindsay looks away first, walking out of the kitchen. She walks through the living room, to the front door with Danny on her heels.

"Danny," she begins, "I can't do this. I can't live with the idea that you do things like this every time we have a fight. I can live with not knowing what you are going to do next, as long as I know you aren't going to hurt yourself. But now… You ended up in the hospital because we had a fight, and I don't want to be the cause of that. I love you, and you know that, but I just can't live like this. I don't want to be worried all the time, afraid you'll hurt yourself. So," she takes a deep breath, "I'm ending this. I'm sorry."

Feeling the tears starting to fall from their hiding place, she opens the door and quickly walks out, not taking the time to grab her coat, leaving a heart-broken Danny behind.

_It's now or never, Messer,_ Danny pep talks himself, and quickly goes after her.

As Lindsay scurries down the stairs, she can't believe she really did this. She broke up with him. They are over because of her. More tears fall from her eyes.

Now you're the one who can't handle it.

She opens the door that leads to the street and as she does that, the cold air from outside hits her in the face like a water balloon. She shivers, but goes outside, trying to ignore the cold air. People on the street look at her like she's an alien, of course she looks crazy without a coat when it's so cold, tears still on her face. She wipes away her tears and bows her head. It's starting to rain, but she doesn't want to go back. Danny is still there, for all she knows.

She's now freezing and soaking wet, but she doesn't care. She just needs to get away from him. Fate is having another plan for her though, because soon she feels a hand on her shoulder that turns her around. She's now facing a cold, wet Danny, but she can see the wetness on his face isn't just from the rain. He looks broken.

What have I done? She thinks, but quickly corrects herself. He is the one who couldn't be open and honest in a relationship. Don't blame yourself for this, Lindsay. You might be the one who ended it, but he started the beginning of the end… 

"Lindsay," Danny says, asking her attention.

She looks up, but doesn't answer him. She wouldn't know what to say anyway, so it seems to her it's better to say nothing at all.

"Lindsay, you can't do this."

"Looks like I did," she said sharply.

She didn't mean to be so curt, it just slipped out of her mouth before she could think about it.

"Lindsay… Montana."

She looks at his face for the first time.

"I'm not letting you do this. You're not ending us. Sure, I made a mistake, but I love you and I'm not letting you away so easily. I'm sorry for what I did, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you how I felt, but I'm not letting you end our relationship. You are the best thing that happened in my life… Ever. And I'm not letting you go.

And you know better than that, too. You know you don't want to break up with me, because you need me. Because you want to be with me."

"Because I love you too," Lindsay answers.


	3. Letting go

**A/N: Here's the third and final chapter! Prplerayne is the one responsible for the great ending and a couple of lines in between. I owe you  
Now, enjoy the last chapter and let me know what you think! **

Chapter three - Letting go 

Lindsay jerks awake, startled by the intensity of her nightmare. She has been dreaming about what happened to Danny for a few days, but the nightmare is different every day and she still doesn't know what really happened. She slowly lies down again, still breathing heavy. As she looks to her side, she's relieved to see Danny still sleeping peacefully next to her.

_How am I going to handle this?_

She glances at the alarm clock, and when she sees they have to get up soon because of work anyway, she decides to wake him up.

_I need to talk to him._

"Danny?"

He shifts a bit, but doesn't wake up.

"Danny," she says a bit louder.

"Hmmm?"

"Danny, wake up..."

"What's wrong, Montana?"

"We need to talk."

"'Bout what?"

"About... about what happened last week."

"Why?"

Lindsay sighs.

"Because you still haven't told me exactly what happened, and I keep having these dreams... Nightmares about you getting hurt, or you dying... I don't want to... I don't want to lose you. I need to know what happened in order to... put it behind me..."

Danny hugs her, hearing the unshed tears in her voice.

"Shhh... It's okay honey, you don't have to worry about it anymore, it's over, I'm okay, you're okay, we are okay."

"I know."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I still want to know what happened."

_Should I tell her?_

Why won't he tell me?

She'll freak out. She'll get mad, feel guilty... That's not necessary; I don't want her to go through that hell...

He doesn't understand how important this is to me, I'm going through hell here, not knowing what happened.

"Danny?"

"You sure you want to know?"

"Yes."

Danny sighs.

"Alright. After I ran out of the apartment, I went to a bar, and got drunk. Very drunk. I figured you'd hate me for the rest of your life, and that my life was worth nothing without you. I decided I didn't care about anything anymore, and that I could die now as well as in over fifty years. There was a big guy sitting at the bar, and he was drunk, too, and I approached him. When I sat down next to him, I spilled my drink on him and got mad at him. He got mad at me as well, and... he punched me, I didn't really expect it, and then two other guys appeared, hitting and punching me too. The last thing I remember is the sound of the ambulance... And I thought of how stupid I was to do this, I kept seeing your face, and I prayed I'd survive, so I could get back to you to make it up to you. Well, some god must've heard me, 'cause I did survive."

Lindsay has been quiet while Danny told his tale, but now she turns over, her back to him. After a few moments Danny realises she's crying.

_Shit._

"Lindsay..."

She quickly turns back to him and sits up. She angrily wipes away her tears and looks at Danny.

"How... How could you do this, Danny? How the hell could you think I'd be better off without you? Didn't you think about what it would do to me if I would lose you like this over... over some stupid fight we had!"

Danny sits up too, a bit surprised by her reaction.

_Woah, didn't expect this... I mean, I never even thought about how she would feel if I'd die... I just figured she'd be glad she'd gotten rid of me that easily._

"I... I don't know, I wasn't really thinking I guess..."

"Yeah, I've told you before that's your problem, acting before thinking. Yet you surprise me again, by saying you practically tried to commit suicide because we had a fight!"

She pauses, realisation sinking in.

"You actually tried to kill yourself," she whispers.

"No I didn't..."

"Yes you did, Danny. You approached a guy, spilled your drink on him and got into a fight with him on purpose. I don't see..."

"I was drunk!"

"That doesn't change the fact you tried to kill yourself over some stupid fight! How many times do I have to say it for you to understand it? You – tried – to – kill – yourself!"

"I didn't, I was just..."

As the weight of her words, and implications of his actions dawns on him, Danny falls silent; knowing she's right.

"I'm sorry."

"How are we going to handle this, Danny?"

"What do you mean? It's in the past, I can't change it anymore..."

"Are you going to try to commit suicide every time we have an argument?"

"No! Of course not, I mean, I... Damn! What do I have to do to make you realise I'm sorry!"

"Nothing, I completely understand you're sorry, but sometimes being sorry is just not enough... What am I going to do if I lose you? What if we have a fight over something stupid like who has to do the dishes, and you storm out of the apartment and commit suicide?"

"I wouldn't do that, you know that."

"Do I Danny? How am I supposed to know you wouldn't do that when you've already tried to do just that?!" She tries to stay calm, but her voice betrays she's upset, as it raises at the last few words.

Danny sighs.

"What do you want me to say, Lindsay? 'Cause I sure as hell don't know what to say."

"I don't know, Danny… I'm not sure if there… if there… is something to say to make this better. Just… Just promise me you'll think before you act from now on. I trusted you, Danny. And I want to trust you again. I... I just don't want you to give me a reason to stop trusting you."

"You can trust me, Lindsay. I won't give you a reason to ever not trust me, I promise."

"Okay."

"Now can we leave this behind us?"

"It's not going to just go away, Danny. It'll take some time, but I think we can move on, and we'll be okay. Let's just take it one step at a time," she says, smiling at him hopefully.

"Fair enough, Montana. I guess it's asking a bit much for this whole thing to be swept under the rug, huh?" he asks, regarding her seriously, now knowing for certain that one drunken decision has resulted in lasting ramifications; for him, for her, and for their relationship.

"Yeah, that's asking a bit much, Cowboy," she says, clasping his hand with hers. "The fact still remains; you tried to kill yourself, Danny. That's going to have long lasting effects. You're a cop, and you tried to kill yourself over a stupid fight! It's not like you can just go into work, and act like it didn't happen. I can't go into work and act like it didn't happen."

Danny sighs, "You're right. I guess I have to talk to Mac when I get in."

"Yeah, you do," Lindsay confirms. "But whatever happens, I'll be right there the whole time. We're gonna get past this Danny. It's just going to take some time."

"Thank you." He says after a moment of silence.

"For what?" comes her quiet reply.

"For loving me. For believing in me; believing in us."

"You're welcome."

Another couple moments of silence pass, before Lindsay speaks up again.

"Thank you."

"What are you thanking me for? he asks, shock permeating his voice.

"For not leaving me."

"I'll never leave you, Lindsay" he says, kissing the top of her head.

"I'm gonna hold you to that."

"Fine by me; I wouldn't expect less. Now, why don't you go get a shower and I'll whip up breakfast?"

She nods, and quickly kisses him before getting off the bed with him.

As they head in their separate directions to start the day, they both know things will never be quite the same. Even so, they both know they are going to be fine. The past few days, and the morning's discussion have forever changed them; but even in their difference, they know they'll okay. Love will prevail.  



End file.
